Friday, July 22, 2011

Learning how to be alone...

Sometimes with change, comes new opportunities to be alone. When you move to a new city it can take time to find a niche that is comfortable, with others, or even with yourself. When school ends and friends move away. When a relationship is over and you are now acutely aware of how much of your time you didn't have to account for. Being alone can just be time to you set aside to relax. To watch a movie on your own. To soak. To ponder.

In my own life, I've gone through waves and bursts of sociability. When I was young and the tide would eddy I was perfectly content with picking up a book for a few hours, doing a project, or just being on my own in whatever capacity. In college, and even for a time after while living in the same town, every night there was something going on. I went through my day knowing that, even if there were no plans being made, at around 7 or 8, 10 or even 11 at night someone would have something to do.

The hardest adjustment though is going from that high level of activity, down to a sudden lull that was not at all what you had in mind. Learning to be alone again can be a difficult thing. Lately for me, as I plan out my next move and am in the ever painful waiting game of hearing from a possible new job in a possible new city, being alone is being faced with doubts and insecurities. I'm apart from my wingman, old roommate, bestfriend and sister and have to learn what it is I want to do and how to do it without these people.

Step one was going to a concert last night and staying after the one or two people I was friends with left. A small step. Okay, kind of a cheating step since I showed up with people, and the band members were also some acquaintances of mine. But, consider, I didn't like to get gas by myself.

Today I spent mostly on my own, some moments were good, and some were a struggle. But as I was picking up the pieces of myself I let fall on my carpet, one of the band members had something to do. I would not have had company tonight if I wasn't alone yesterday. Just a thought.

Also, check out the Dorfman and Davis video below...

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